Nan Cohen

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Fox Chapel woman’s book helps readers deal with divorce

By Tom McGee | April 26, 2014 | Pittsburgh Tribune-Review

Nan Cohen is adding another tool for divorcees to use to get them through a difficult time in their lives.

Cohen will celebrate the release of her first book, “Dealing with Divorce: Reality Revealed A Divorce Guide and Journal,” at a launch party tonight, Thursday.

The Fox Chapel resident has hosted a radio show about divorce since 2004.

The book examines Cohen’s own experience with divorce and how to handle things such as dating again and what to do with children who are impacted.

“You have to learn how to navigate through these things,” Cohen said.

Cohen’s own divorce came in the early 1990s when her daughter was 14 months old.

She eventually remarried but found that many of her friends and family who were dealing with their own divorces turned to her to help get them through.

Her husband suggested she return to school to become a therapist, but Cohen, who had a radio show about plastic surgery, decided she could reach a larger audience over the air.

“I’m not going back to school to become a therapist but I can take it to the radio,” Cohen said.

Through her radio show, also called “Dealing with Divorce,” Cohen was able to help people who called in or contacted her. She then decided to get more involved in helping people by starting a “divorce coaching” service.

Cohen credits her style and approach to dealing with divorce and people for her success.

“I’ve always been tagged as real,” Cohen said. “I ask the hard questions.”

Cohen’s book encourages people to keep a journal, something she did when she was going through a divorce.

“I learned that through power of the pen, people express themselves more so than when they’re talking to you,” Cohen said.

With a journal, people can go back and reflect about how they felt at a certain time and see how far they have come in the months since their divorce.

The book will help guide people through a divorce and force them to answer their own questions about how to move on in life.

“The only way to make this happen is you need to answer those questions, the hard questions, the real questions,” Cohen said.

About Nan Cohen

Nan Cohen is recognized as the go-to expert on the realities of separation and divorce, based on her own experience and long-running radio show “Dealing with Divorce”. After her marriage took a surprising turn, the young mother of a toddler girl confronted with all of the emotions and logistics of divorce, Nan learned the realities of divorce by experiencing it—a long and bitter divorce, joint custody, social stigma, and emotional turmoil. She was empowered by discovering a niche in which she could help others work through a transition from divorce to a new beginning. While she does not promote divorce, Nan does promote understanding its complexities, including custody, alimony, child support, financial settlements, parenting skills, and even dating, sex, and remarriage.

A quick-witted, practical and no-nonsense resource, Nan hosts DEALING WITH DIVORCE on Pittsburgh’s KQV 1410 AM and www.kqv.com. Here, her valued legal, family and wellness experts join her to discuss divorce and all its related issues. She been a contributor on KDKA-TV on “Pittsburgh Today Live” (on which she is scheduled to appear on Fri., April 27) and is a frequent guest expert in programs and media stories about divorce. Now, Nan’s first daughter is in college, she is mother of a daughter with her second husband, and her family supports her working with those experiencing divorce. Nan brings her reality-based perspective to individuals through consulting with divorce team professionals, one-on-one coaching, and audiences of her shows, seminars, and tools, including Dealing with Divorce: Reality Revealed, A Divorce Guide and Journal, all reachable via http://www.divorcerealityexpert.com   
Facebook: Nan Cohen Total Talk.  Twitter @nanondivorce

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Communication key for estranged couples during tax time

Tax time can be one of the worse times for estranged couples to shut down lines of communication.

By Tim Grant | January 9, 2014 | Pittsburgh Post Gazette

Tax time can be one of the worse times for estranged couples to shut down lines of communication.

Divorce financial analyst Lisa Turbeville said she is working with a separated couple who could face an audit by the IRS because there were so many discrepancies in their separate tax returns.

The wife reported alimony income on her tax return that was equal to the amount deducted for her from the husband’s pay. The husband claimed on his federal tax return to be supplying a higher amount of support, including car insurance bills and other legitimate forms of support he provided for his wife.

“The mismatched numbers are going to flag the IRS and it’s all because they didn’t communicate with each other before filing their tax returns,” said Ms. Turbeville, who works for Watermark Financial based in Mt. Lebanon. “Generally, the IRS won’t pick that up for two or three years. But eventually they will.”

It’s an issue that could affect a significant number of people.

According to Allegheny County court records, divorces since 2007 have averaged about 2,700 a year. Nationally, divorce rates have held relatively steady. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the rate was 3.6 per 1,000 people in 2011, the latest information available.

Couples who are separated and going through a divorce are usually facing enough emotional and financial upheaval without receiving unwanted attention from the IRS and an unexpected tax bill on top of everything else. But when estranged couples fail to communicate with each other during tax time it could potentially lead to both parents claiming the same child for a dependency exemption or misreporting alimony payments. Both also might claim the same deduction for taxes or interest on the home or medical expenses.

“Unfortunately, too many times I’ve seen this when working with separated and divorced taxpayers,” said Alex Kindler, a partner at Horovitz Rudoy & Roteman accounting firm, Downtown. He, like other advisers, encouraged the parties to talk more, even if it isn’t always comfortable to do so.

“Since a child can only be claimed on one tax return, miscommunication or misunderstanding of the tax rules can lead to two people both claiming the same dependent,” he said. “The IRS almost always will detect a duplicate Social Security number, and correspondence will follow.”

Sometimes the rules are confusing, too.

Child support is not deductible for the person who pays it and not taxable to the person who receives it. For payments to qualify as alimony, Mr. Kindler said, documentation such as a separation or support agreement or court order is required.

Nan Cohen, an O’Hara-based divorce expert, agreed that the biggest problem with divorcing couples and tax issues is communication.

She recently had a case where a divorced father claimed all five of his children as dependents on his tax return without telling the mother of the children. Now both of them must redo their 2012 tax returns.

“I honestly don’t think it’s malicious,” Ms. Cohen said. “Most times people don’t understand what they’ve agreed to and fail to talk to each other. Rather than speak to each other, they play it by ear and it backfires.”

About Nan Cohen

Nan Cohen is recognized as the go-to expert on the realities of separation and divorce, based on her own experience and long-running radio show “Dealing with Divorce”. After her marriage took a surprising turn, the young mother of a toddler girl confronted with all of the emotions and logistics of divorce, Nan learned the realities of divorce by experiencing it—a long and bitter divorce, joint custody, social stigma, and emotional turmoil. She was empowered by discovering a niche in which she could help others work through a transition from divorce to a new beginning. While she does not promote divorce, Nan does promote understanding its complexities, including custody, alimony, child support, financial settlements, parenting skills, and even dating, sex, and remarriage.

A quick-witted, practical and no-nonsense resource, Nan hosts DEALING WITH DIVORCE on Pittsburgh’s KQV 1410 AM and www.kqv.com. Here, her valued legal, family and wellness experts join her to discuss divorce and all its related issues. She been a contributor on KDKA-TV on “Pittsburgh Today Live” (on which she is scheduled to appear on Fri., April 27) and is a frequent guest expert in programs and media stories about divorce. Now, Nan’s first daughter is in college, she is mother of a daughter with her second husband, and her family supports her working with those experiencing divorce. Nan brings her reality-based perspective to individuals through consulting with divorce team professionals, one-on-one coaching, and audiences of her shows, seminars, and tools, including Dealing with Divorce: Reality Revealed, A Divorce Guide and Journal, all reachable via http://www.divorcerealityexpert.com   
Facebook: Nan Cohen Total Talk.  Twitter @nanondivorce

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Leaving the “R Word” Behind – Insights from Divorce Coach, Nan Cohen

Do you ever avoid “hot button” topics in conversations by reverting to one letter to describe an issue? Think about when you’ve heard these letters dropped when the related word, well, just isn’t speakable.

By Nan Cohen | October 31, 2013

When it comes to divorce, the letter “R”–for “Revenge”–represents a hot button word to avoid. I tell my clients–and my in-person or radio audiences–there is no place for Revenge in divorce.

Sure, there are aspects of divorce that fuel our vengeful instincts. We are only human, right? I hear the reasons all the time as those divorcing complete a sentence beginning with “My spouse…” with many reasons for Revenge: My spouse…had an affair, was a bad parent, brought on financial hardships, and has just plain ruined my life.

While Revenge is meant to be some form of punishment against the other party in the divorce, Revenge often has no effect on them. Revenge can give a false sense of satisfaction to the party claiming to “get back at my ex” or soon-to-be ex. In fact, this vengeful attitude may continue long after a divorce.

Have you ever been asked; “Would you jump off a cliff just because your friend does?” So to get revenge for your spouse’s extramarital affair, should you have one? When your spouse or ex tells your child that they can’t have the newest XBox, does that mean you buy one for the child just to annoy your spouse? Responses meant to “one-up” the other party don’t solve real problems. We all know that, but do we always think before acting to avoid reactions we may regret? Rehashing such issues later in the divorce or post-divorce period also doesn’t solve problems or change the past.

Indeed, in many cases you may always feel your position is the right one and the other party is still wrong. Letting go of these issues is like cleaning those old receipts and utility bills out of your desk drawer: that was then, this now. You’ll have more room for positive energy (or space in that drawer) when you throw away those things and thoughts; best to release those emotions that have no useful purpose. And you’ll be free of them. They can no longer weigh you down, attaching you to non-productive activities, like Revenge.

Remember, in divorce no one really wins. Sure, that is a hard lesson to learn. Instead of Revenge, use your lessons learned to pay it forward to yourself, your family, and, yes, your next relationship. Go for the heart of the issue and realize why you seek revenge. Was it the pain, the hurt, being used, or not being trusted? Whatever the reasons, learn from the experience. Recognize what pushes your revenge or emotional buttons. And learn tools to react in more positive ways—even if that means walking away when your first instincts may be argument, withholding finances, creating difficulty with the next child visitation. Take steps to accept and correct your negative behaviors. Move forward as our disappointments and grudges can immobilize like quicksand—preventing positive moves and attitudes

Exacting Revenge won’t make you a better person, parent or spouse. Correcting the causes of Revenge? That can make you a better person, parent or spouse. A good doctor will tell you not to treat the symptom, but treat the cause. Take the “R-word” out of your vocabulary and mindset. You’ll have more room for the words to help you to articulate a new direction, a better life.

About Nan Cohen

Nan Cohen is recognized as the go-to expert on the realities of separation and divorce, based on her own experience and long-running radio show “Dealing with Divorce”. After her marriage took a surprising turn, the young mother of a toddler girl confronted with all of the emotions and logistics of divorce, Nan learned the realities of divorce by experiencing it—a long and bitter divorce, joint custody, social stigma, and emotional turmoil. She was empowered by discovering a niche in which she could help others work through a transition from divorce to a new beginning. While she does not promote divorce, Nan does promote understanding its complexities, including custody, alimony, child support, financial settlements, parenting skills, and even dating, sex, and remarriage.

A quick-witted, practical and no-nonsense resource, Nan hosts DEALING WITH DIVORCE on Pittsburgh’s KQV 1410 AM and www.kqv.com. Here, her valued legal, family and wellness experts join her to discuss divorce and all its related issues. She been a contributor on KDKA-TV on “Pittsburgh Today Live” (on which she is scheduled to appear on Fri., April 27) and is a frequent guest expert in programs and media stories about divorce. Now, Nan’s first daughter is in college, she is mother of a daughter with her second husband, and her family supports her working with those experiencing divorce. Nan brings her reality-based perspective to individuals through consulting with divorce team professionals, one-on-one coaching, and audiences of her shows, seminars, and tools, including Dealing with Divorce: Reality Revealed, A Divorce Guide and Journal, all reachable via http://www.divorcerealityexpert.com   
Facebook: Nan Cohen Total Talk.  Twitter @nanondivorce

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More couples saying ‘I do’ to prenups

Do you ever avoid “hot button” topics in conversations by reverting to one letter to describe an issue? Think about when you’ve heard these letters dropped when the related word, well, just isn’t speakable.

By Tim Grant | October 31, 2013 | Pittsburgh Post Gazette

Prenuptial agreements are on the rise, according to a survey of divorce lawyers, who also reported a notable increase in the number of women initiating requests for written legal contracts with their partners before they tie the knot.

“Historically, more males have been the ones asking for prenups,” said Nan Cohen, an O’Hara-based divorce coach and talk show host for KDKA and KQV. “But now you have more females in the workforce and they have more to protect.

“The question of what is his, hers, yours, mine and ours can get really complicated sometimes, especially when a marital breakup occurs. A prenuptial agreement can iron these issues out and help eliminate confusion.”

More than 60 percent of the divorce lawyers polled cited an increase in prenuptial agreements during the past three years, according to a recent survey of members of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

The top three items commonly covered in prenups throughout this period of time were noted as “protection of separate property,” 80 percent of respondents; “alimony and spousal maintenance,” 77 percent of respondents; and “division of property,” 72 percent of respondents.PG graphic: Marriage and divorce comparison
(Click image for larger version)

Meanwhile, 46 percent of the lawyers surveyed said they’ve seen a significant increase in women asking for pre-nups.

“More and more people are asking for prenuptial agreements because our society has become much more financially sophisticated about what happens upon death or divorce,” said Alton Abramowitz, president of the Chicago-based AAML.

“The reason people enter into prenups is because of what is called private ordering, which means you work out a settlement in advance as to what everyone’s rights will be in the event of a divorce, in terms of property, alimony, rights to occupy the marital residence, life insurance, health insurance and rights to any other property acquired in the marriage.”

Census data show that since the end of the Korean War, an average of 45 percent to 50 percent of all marriages in the U.S. have ended in divorce. That may be a bit misleading. For example, a comparison of marriages and divorces in Allegheny County in recent years show there are typically more than twice as many marriages as divorces each year. Critics of the 50 percent divorce rate figure say the statistic does not account for marriages that already existed before the annual tally, many of which do not end in divorce.

Still, most people have seen the effects of divorce and are aware that it can bring financial complications.

Robin Frank, an attorney with the Raphael, Ramsden & Behers law firm, Downtown, said she has seen an uptick in prenuptial agreements. She thinks it’s because people are more aware of the divorce rate in this country and they are taking it into consideration when they plan their own marriages.

She suggests couples discuss the agreement early in the relationship, rather than surprise a partner with it right before the wedding.

“I think a prenuptial agreement is a good idea,” Ms. Frank said. “But it depends on the circumstances. Some couples may be uncomfortable with the idea.”

While such agreements can be very powerful in deciding who gets what assets during a divorce, they are not always ironclad. Family court judges may decide not to enforce some of the terms concerning property rights or alimony. But the contract can provide guidelines for what happens if a couple divorces or one of them dies.

Before having a prenuptial agreement drawn up, Mr. Abramowitz suggests couples define how expenses will be shared and if there will be joint or separate bank accounts. He recommended they decide who will own the home and where the other partner would live.

The prenup also should define how the estate would be eventually handled and cover any pre-existing obligations one partner might have to previous spouses, other children and extended family members.

About Nan Cohen

Nan Cohen is recognized as the go-to expert on the realities of separation and divorce, based on her own experience and long-running radio show “Dealing with Divorce”. After her marriage took a surprising turn, the young mother of a toddler girl confronted with all of the emotions and logistics of divorce, Nan learned the realities of divorce by experiencing it—a long and bitter divorce, joint custody, social stigma, and emotional turmoil. She was empowered by discovering a niche in which she could help others work through a transition from divorce to a new beginning. While she does not promote divorce, Nan does promote understanding its complexities, including custody, alimony, child support, financial settlements, parenting skills, and even dating, sex, and remarriage.

A quick-witted, practical and no-nonsense resource, Nan hosts DEALING WITH DIVORCE on Pittsburgh’s KQV 1410 AM and www.kqv.com. Here, her valued legal, family and wellness experts join her to discuss divorce and all its related issues. She been a contributor on KDKA-TV on “Pittsburgh Today Live” (on which she is scheduled to appear on Fri., April 27) and is a frequent guest expert in programs and media stories about divorce. Now, Nan’s first daughter is in college, she is mother of a daughter with her second husband, and her family supports her working with those experiencing divorce. Nan brings her reality-based perspective to individuals through consulting with divorce team professionals, one-on-one coaching, and audiences of her shows, seminars, and tools, including Dealing with Divorce: Reality Revealed, A Divorce Guide and Journal, all reachable via http://www.divorcerealityexpert.com   
Facebook: Nan Cohen Total Talk.  Twitter @nanondivorce